Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
