if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
