Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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