she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Lo siento on account of my penis...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
