Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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