I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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