booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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