After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
