forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize