I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I can't put those talents on a resume
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
