You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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