He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
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We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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