I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
