I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
