True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
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