Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
