I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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