There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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