Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
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I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
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Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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