YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
