dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
