evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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