You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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