Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
