On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is wine microwaveable?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
