Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
