please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
