I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
