return my video game
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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