omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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