Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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