I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
