So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
