rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
