I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
