when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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