it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She even gives head with a lisp.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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