I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
