He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
