Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
