Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
