Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
