Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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