Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
