Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
