Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
