I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
