When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
oh god was she eating orange peels again
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The air taste purple.
Randomize
