Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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