Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize