just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
