well you can't waste a boner
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
