Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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