In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
