Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
