I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
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dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
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I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
how drunk are you?
Several
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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