I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
