my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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