Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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