Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
