just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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